DAY 31

How quickly we forget our obsessions. Surprise me please. Please. She says it's like going into a corner of the room and looking down. I'm trying to rock myself backwards into a state just barely beyond. There's movement in there and it’s both thrilling and scary. Cultivating this skill is like trying to remember what the womb felt like. I remember my first nightmare. I was laying in my bassinet on a beach. It was dusk and I was alone. All I could hear were the waves; all I could see was a violent slate sky. Beating approached quickly and a group of men on horseback looking as if they had come from The Battle of Lodi picked up my bassinet and carried me off. I was scared and helpless. This was a reoccurring dream I feared as a child. I feared sleep because of it and stopped napping at age one. Some years later I realized it was not the sound of horses I would fear as I fell asleep, it was my own heartbeat. These days I fall asleep praying to be launched into an unknown corner. Please. Let’s do something new.