DAY 134

Opening up to share with another counters lessons of independence and self sufficiency. To make room for you, I must admit I cannot or do not want to do this alone. With you is better. But quickly I reassure myself, this doesn’t mean I am incapable of doing this alone, it just means I am happy sharing. Moments. To be associated in conjunction. To no longer stand as an individual. To now be referred to as one half of two. To relinquish some insular tendencies. Am I ok with this? I ask myself. Simultaneously I want and reject these ideals. Children of the 60's have raised their daughters to be strong and independent. Rejecting their preceding generation's ideals forged with the principals of society. Discarding with only unfamiliar rhetoric to replace. Now two generations removed tension lives strong. Feminism, all too often cringed upon. Femininity a want. Us, we know no other way than to be strong and capable. Mother as our guides have taught us how to love ourselves but forgot to teach us how to love our men.

DAY 125

After Fall Part Three. Awaking momentarily. I carefully pluck each bead as it drips off the tip your nose. Delicately piercing each with a strand of my hair. Watching it gracefully bounce along until it cozies up to the previous. Fluidly gurgling. Rising with each inhale. Falling with each exhale. I wind it around my shoulders as I go. Keeping it from touching the ground. Acres of sacred sweat. This will be the bindery that we ruminate on for awhile. I laugh at your frustration. Secretly thrilled and admiring all the while. You reach over and push the hair off my face. This is our work. At dawn I set our moment’s accomplishment upon the mantel. Watching over us as we slip back again.